I’m giving up alcohol during January for the 3rd year in a row. Here’s how it helps me understand my relationship with drinking after almost losing a loved one to alcoholism.

I completed my first Dry January in 2018, four months after a loved one was rushed into emergency surgery for a liver transplant that would ultimately save her life.

Before that moment, I had mostly scoffed at Dry January, the cultural phenomenon that involves swearing off alcoholic beverages in the first month of the new year. It seemed like a silly manifestation of wellness culture, an excuse to post pictures of green juice on Instagram alongside hashtags like #healthyliving and cliché captions like “New year, new me!”