What was it like?: I was in denial that I ever had a problem with drinking and I had it under control, I was in denial my actions were not effecting my kids, I was in denial the people who cared about me were not being hurt by my actions and words, I was in denial the people at work did not know I had a problem the worst was I was in denial that my life was set in perfect control and everything was ok
What happened?: March 03, 2021 the day I cried for help: 1 year ago, I was in a rough & dark place, got so depressed I drank morning til I passed out for many months, little to no food, wishing once I closed my eyes, I would never open them again. I was so selfish never thought about anyone but myself the worst was I never cared at that moment how my kids felt or how they would be crushed if my wish came true. That morning of the 3rd I woke up cried & yelled even I was home alone that I needed help because it felt as if my body was going to shut down. The man I never physically or verbally spoke to knew something was going on just by seeing me once a week thru a window & told me I needed to go to the hospital, or he would drag me there. Everyone kept saying just go to treatment, go to AA, the worst…just quit & they all walked away. Weeks passed & he text again I can either take you or drag you to the hospital. On the morning of the 3rd, I barely woke up, couldn’t barely walk so I text him & told him “today’s the day”. He knew exactly what I was talking about, I felt like a coward & turned off my phone changing my mind. He immediately came, luckily my son always has a key to my home. When he came in, I thought he was my cousin I couldn’t even see, it was all a blur I took 1 more glance at the bottle in front of me & crawled away. When we got to the hospital, I collapsed but was able to get up mad at the world. I was admitted within minutes all my levels were so low about to shut down the doctor said to the both of us “I don’t know how she can still be walking, talking or alive.” 5 days later I was discharged not able to walk without a cane but thanks to my son & his dad they helped me pull thru my struggle making sure I ate & had plenty protein/vitamin drinks. I cannot say it has been the best 1 year because that is a lie. I had so many high & ugly emotions, cried a lot but it got easier by the day. Yes, people call it cheating being on the shot, but I call it support that I was on for 4 months, but I have been doing the last 8 months with my own will power of overcoming the cravings/triggers. I can honestly say with a clear mind I have gotten a whole lot accomplished in 1 year than I ever have in the last 6 years.
What is life like now?: Today I can now take care of myself mentally, physically, and emotionally without fogging my mind with alcohol. I can process the thoughts of what would happen if I chose to drink vs dealing with the triggers or personal emotions now. I have a healthier relationship with my kids, family & the friends that did choose to stick by my side thru my addiction & recovery. I am more capable of making new friends vs more enemies & help contributing to our community I took from for so many years. Today when I feel lost, sad, confused or even excited I have learned to talk to god or any living form surrounding me for guidance because I know now that anything or anyone that has life can feel & share your emotions.
Is there anything else you’d like to share?: Recovery is not an easy process that happens even thou you may take a 12 step program or seek treatment, recovery is not based off of what a person(s) thinks or feels about you. My recovery had to come deep from inside my heart and willingness to put up a good fight when I get the triggers even thou that meant hiding in the bathroom or under the blanket to cry until I felt strong enough to face the world around me.