What was it like?
I used to be an exotic dancer at the Great Alaska Bush Company. Before that I grew up in San Diego and traveled all over the world dancing, dating, drinking and doing drugs… I was not so deep in drugs but the drinking made me a different person and if the drugs were not around, the booze always was and i drank daily. I got into toxic relationships but the backsliding has been hard to forgive myself for at different times of my sober journey… over the years. I was not so deep in drugs but the drinking that made me a different person and if the drugs were not around, the booze always was and I drank daily.
What happened?
Then in 2013, I was in Tokyo living my best life meeting my favorite skater Kaho and teaching my then boyfriend how to roller skate and he broke his wrist in the process and the night before his surgery I went out for a nitecap, got black out drunk and broke my face in 3 places and woke up in his lap at the hospital… needless to say he was pretty much over my selfish behavior, we had been in a long distant relationship for over 20 years and my drinking was always a problem I never admitted to. So on that day April 24 2013 I had my last drink. I stayed an additional month in Japan, came home took a commercial fishing job for the summer, and then back to the GABC sober, socializing and still having fun while making money. But there was a cloud looming over me. there was something missing or something preventing me from truly feeling like i was alive. It was like I no longer belonged. I was rudolph….
What is life like now?
Then 2015 a man walked into the GABC after the Action Jackson concert. a little shy and awkward, but very nice and he literally spent the entire night with me that was a good night we had had some things in common but one thing that really attracted me to him is he had this look about him that made me feel at peace. we went on a group date, I was still smoking weed back then and my friend and I left him at the party we were at it was unintentional he forgave me and came to meet us and fast forward to now we have been ,married for 4 years and this year 10 years ago we first met!
When we got married I quit smoking tobacco. I quit smoking weed too, and today we live happily in Wasilla and he has made all the difference in my life. He has helped me build my business, supported me while I do it and I am financially and emotionally secure with him. He is my partner, my friend, my husband and I am positive that he is a big part of the the reason why I am still sober today.
Is there anything else you’d like to share?
When God first told me “This is the man I prepared for you”. I knew then it was no turning back and that I had better things to look forward to. Because of him, Jesse, I was strong enough to walk away from the lifestyle, now that I think about it; that was the real addiction I had the most trouble overcoming. But with Jesse (at the time my future hubby) by my side I am safe and secure with him and God as our foundation.
I host events that celebrate sobriety and God. I love the work you all do! and I am super grateful that I can finally courageously share my story in this way. Recovery is a lifestyle change, over the years I have challenged myself in so many ways to find connection and community but I didnt always feel welcome and i felt like i didnt fit in- especially as a black girl in the MatSu Valley. Finding Recover Alaska has been a blessing knowing that I actually do have community that I can tap in to is really cool and I hope that I can build more with you represent you more and share more of what you do here in the Mat-Su valley!
